Three Sugar Packets

I forget what you wore
maybe overalls
maybe the sweater I eventually ruined
it doesn’t matter now

I remember the plastic honey bear you emptied in your tea
the clink of your spoon against the cup
the slow lick of your fingers tasting my hands
how we hunched into each others’ voices
across the teetering table you steadied with
three
sugar
packets

What I would give
to have that moment over,
when you asked if what I felt for you
included lust

I would give back every letter,
every phone call,
every way we met and every way we parted,
to be with you again
on that foul night in Kingston
to take back

that No