I can't imagine being a vegetarian-- I love eating meat too much. But I say that the same way that any addict says they love their fix. Eating meat is as much habitual as it is nutritional, and I'm taking an overdue look at my eating habits.

This is all prompted from a video I watched on TED.com presented by Mark Bittman about how meat production adversely affects the world. It's not a political or moral polemic, it's just a scientific look at how things would be better if we'd eat less meat.

I know that I like to BBQ, and I do enjoy how some BBQ'ed vegetables taste, so I've decided to spend a week trying to eat vegetarian via my BBQ.

After some quick Googling, I picked out a half-dozen recipes and bought all the ingredients. It was the most vegetables I'd ever bought at one time. Tonight I made mediterranean grilled vegetable sandwiches with grilled asparagus and prosciutto with orange mayonnaise (pictured above).
The verdict? The asparagus was delicious, but the mayo was a bit fatty and overwhelming. The sandwich was much more bland than I'd expected-- some fresh basil will spice it up-- and I need to use a roll, or simple split bun instead of slicing the french bread diagonally (which lets the juices leak out, and shreds the roof of your mouth). In fact, the sandwich was so bland, I had to have another to be sure.

I also really underestimated the portions. When the recipe says "serves 4," it's not like how a pack of Kraft Dinner, or a large steak can serve 4. I couldn't have kept eating if I wanted to, and I have at least two full portions of everything left over.

Funny thing: a little while after dinner, I had an orange. It was fantastic. Then I had an almost nervous tic for some chocolate; I had a brownie in the fridge given to me by a student, but after a couple of bites, I felt kind of grossed out and couldn't finish it.

Yes, that worries me too.

Lots of folks have asked me how the run went. I know this is just out of politeness, but I thought I'd wrap up what happened.

At the 1km mark, I noticed that I had run for 5:30, which would be way too slow to finish under 25 minutes. So I tried plan B: sprint for 30 seconds, then jog very slowly for 1 minute, then repeat. Plan B is also known as "a very stupid idea." After three minutes of this nonsense, I gave up and went back to just jogging slowly.

At about the 3.5km mark, I was ready to just walk for a bit, when I was passed
by a pair of cute girls with very nice butts. Their butts fell directly into my visual range, what with my head tilted pathetically toward the asphalt and all. My spirits were now buoyed, and I drafted in this fine view for the remainder of the race.

It turns out that my published race time (29:16) was the GUN race time, not my CHIP race time. My chip race time was actually 27:56, and I finished 33rd out of 176 runners in my age category. Stats like that start giving me the crazy idea that if I trained, I might be able to come first in my group. How hard could it be? Heck, I'm already in the top 20%!

Thanks to everybody who so graciously contributed to my run fundraising efforts.

Click on the video below to watch the Official Draw Results.

This year's Mother's Day Run was a great event, and the turnout was over 14,000 runners, walkers, and wheelchair racers. I know you don't really give a shit about this-- what you really care about is Where's My Money?!?

Yes, of course. The money.

So the completely unsurprising news is that I didn't even come close to running the 5K in 25 minutes.
Which means that somebody is going to win DOUBLE their money back! Yay!

Again, THANK YOU to all the folks who ponied up-- at the end of the day, we'll have raised over $1,100!!! I say "at the end of the day" because a couple of stragglers are coughing up their dough this week, so I will be putting off the draw until next weekend as promised in my last email.

Thanks again, and stay tuned for the draw results!

Growing up, I can remember my dad saying on more than one occasion that every time he came into some extra cash, some expense, often unforeseen, would appear that was almost that exact amount. I rarely came into extra cash as a youth, and my emergency expenses were always my parents', so this week has been a great confirmation that I am indeed becoming my father.

In our recent contract settlement, Alberta teachers received a one-time lump sum payment of $1500. Fantastic.

So Calgary has been getting really warm lately, and I can almost feel my winter tires melting on the pavement. I called my mechanic and scheduled to buy new summer tires and have them swapped.

"Are you sure?" he said.

"Yep."

"Seriously... are you sure?"

It had been in the high teens on and off for a couple of weeks. June is around the corner. Of course I'm sure.

I drop my car off for the tires, a tune-up and road test. It's over 15°C. Everything's on track. The next day I get a call from the mechanic. The tune-up was great, and the car is in incredible condition, except that I need brake shoes to go with my tires. The total damage now? $1271.

The insult adding to that financial injury is that I picked up the car yesterday, and the weather today? An unpredicted 20cm of snow.

Heee-larious! And my run on Sunday is calling for rain. You can bet that the winner of the draw will have donated $100, and I will run in more than 25 minutes
which will mean that of my original $1500 windfall, I will have $29.

That should buy just enough alcohol to help me forget this ever happened.

Some experiences take some work. Sort of like relationships. It took a lot of effort to stay engaged in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind after a very slow, disjointed first half hour.

By the end of the movie, I realized how uncannily appropriate that feeling was; how the work you put into following the plot lines and cuts was rewarded by the fantastic ending, just like in a relationship.
Make sure you stick it out through the first little bit. Don't fight it-- the story melts into you eventually, intuitively. It's incredibly well-done.

I was buying a birthday card for a friend today, when I saw a new category: Gay Wedding.

One card had two guys at the altar, with the Justice of the Peace saying, "You may now exchange recipes." Another had two guys in tuxes holding hands, carrying huge happy face lollipops.

It would be interesting to see how greeting cards have changed over the years to reflect society. I'm sure somebody way smarter than me, with more time on their hands, is already putting together a doctorate on exactly this topic.

It's great to see that gay wedding cards are hitting the mainstream.
My only complaint? Most gay people are way funnier than these cards.

It's all about the little things. And what I've learned is that these little things have always been happening, but I've gotten better at seeing them, and appreciating them.

A class full of kids, different learning styles, different computer-savviness, all riveted at being able to get the computer to print out "Yer Mom" on the screen.

A punk with a mohawk and a Muslim girl in a hijab, laughing and skipping arm in arm down the hallway.

Meeting with a concerned parent and his son's teachers. The parent would like us to shame his son by announcing the boy's low mark to the entire class. Shame will motivate. He may be right, but I explain it's not an option. FOIP. Professional standards. Self-esteem. The father gives me a look that says, "Fuck your FOIP. Make my boy learn."

The track team is training in the hallway because there is snow on the ground in April. One athlete, winded, complaining to another: "Yeah, but I run the 400. You run the 3000. That's like... 4 times longer!" And then after a moment, "At least four times."

Later, as I leave, I see that student and his teammates and coach stretching. I ask him about his math. He has since concluded that 7 is a better estimate than 4. Which leads to a fun conversation about why math is important. Everything from being able to do your taxes to telling how much time is left in class.

Tomorrow will be different.

We all know the stereotypical qualities attributed to testosterone: aggression, confidence, and teeny-tiny balls. But recently I was listening to a podcast from NPR's This American Life about the stuff and it blew my mind.

You must hear this. Not only will it change the way you think about men and women, it will change the way you think about who you are, and why.

Sorry to sound like a bad car dealership ad. The Calgary Sport Chek Mother's Day Run & Walk is cranking up again, and I've decided to go whole hog with the fundraising (and my resolutions).

The support I've received for these runs has been fantastic, but I realized that I'm kind of mooching off others, so I thought it was time I ponied up some of my own dough into the pot.

This year, for every $10 you donate, you'll get one entry into a draw I will hold after the run. If I run in my "new year's resolution" time of 25:00 or less, I'll write the winner a cheque in the amount of their donation, up to $100. If I run slower than 25:00, the winner will receive double the amount of their donation, up to $200! The race uses a timing chip, and times are published in the Calgary Herald, so I couldn't cheat if I wanted to.

In addition, all donations of $20 or more will receive tax receipts (applicable in Canada only, so American friends, you may want to make the donation in the name/address of a Canadian relative or friend).

I've had a couple of acquaintances who have given birth prematurely, and this run will raise much-needed cash to help the neonatal intensive care doctors and nurses have the necessary equipment to help parents (and the preemies!) through this difficult time. Here's how easy it is to support this great cause:

1. Make out a cheque (sadly, Sport Chek has not adopted online donations yet) to The Forzani Group Foundation, dated May 9th or earlier.
2. Send me the cheque, along with your full name and address (including postal code-- this is so you can get your tax receipt). If you don't know my address, whip me off an email and I'll send it along immediately. (I just don't want to post it online. If you're not sure you have the right one, a hint is that the street number has two 9's in it, and the suite number has two 4's in it).
3. Stay tuned for the draw!

If you have any questions, drop me a line or post a comment. Thanks in advance for your support, and I hope for the winner's sake that I'm slow as molasses. I sure as hell won't be training very hard.