Star Wars Episode III: At Least it was Free (Sort of)

Went to see the new Star Wars movie tonight. I had a free movie pass, so after popcorn and soda, it only cost $11.25. Seriously.

I’m not going to complain about the lack of reality that generally exists in this entire series of movies (hyperspace travel, but instead of bombing enemies into submission, they land politely and then send troops in to fight in hand-to-hand combat? Right.). Instead, I’m going to complain about something that no suspension-of-disbelief can help: the dialogue.

I had heard that George Lucas had brought in some specialists to help spruce this one up, but to no avail. I love Star Wars, but I literally found myself shaking my head in disbelief at how incredibly crappy the writing was. The attempts to make Yoda’s backwards-talking-I-am sound natural are physically painful on the ears. Poor Hayden What’s-his-face is more metallic (because of his lines) than the droids.

Admittedly, the fight scenes are so epic that it’s hard to know what to watch; I wanted a rewind button several times. The wrap up perfectly dovetails with the beginning of Episode IV. Big deal. We all knew that would happen. What we really wanted (I speak for fans everywhere, of course) was a movie that felt good, with honest dialogue, and a smart, realistic plot. We didn’t get it.

Episode VII perhaps?