The Straightener


I’m coining yet another term: “the straightener.” This term is used to refer to a third male, usually in his absence. The purpose of the third male is to prevent a pair of men in public from appearing as though they are a couple or on a date: he is the straightener. Typical use:

Dave: Hey Andy, those girls were looking at your new boots kinda funny.
Andy: Yeah, and your hair. And that wasn’t the first time tonight.
Dave: Dammit! I knew we needed a straightener!
Andy: Yeah, count on Phil to have Tae-bo on a Friday!

In a social scene fast becoming crowded with metrosexuals and MIMs (Men In Makeup, soon-to-be coined), any well-dressed and -manicured man

Ed’s Note: Not that he knows anything about either of those concepts.

runs the risk of being mistakenly labelled as homosexual,

Ed’s Note: Not that there’s anything wrong with that! Unless you are trying to pick up girls, that is.

and when accompanied by one similarly decked-out man, this risk more than doubles. Since couples don’t usually bring along a third wheel, the straightener acts as implicit heterosexual evidence.

The Straightener: Don’t leave homo without it.

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