Ten years ago, my friend Alan gave me a journal. I have never liked the idea of journals, but the strange thing is that when I make myself write in them, I enjoy it. I think my problem is that I just don't like the idea of having to write in them.
In the years since, I've received many journals from people who want to encourage my writing
and I've written bits and pieces in all of them. Today, cleaning my condo and moving stuff back and forth from my storage room, I found these journals and poked through them.

This entry from February 24th, 1997, made me stop and stare at the page:

I miss writing very much but I worry that as each day passes I tend to worry more about money and less about destiny.

My father once said that if you wanted to take a risk with your life, there was no better place to do it than Canada, and I think he's right. But this is a hard thing to consider when you've just signed up for decades of mortgage payments and become accustomed to a life of steak and chocolate.
Do I pick up and move to a small town where I can rent for a year for less than my mortgage payments in Calgary? Sell everything but my Mac and my guitar? After all, one look at my condo almost a year after I moved in will tell you that I'm not much of a homemaker.

This would be easier if I felt like I knew what I was supposed to write.

This summer has been a SNAFU; instead of doing a last edit of my novel's final draft, I have yet to write a word. Instead of adhering to a rigourous sleep schedule, I have been crossing the border of consciousness willy-nilly. I have not been able to conjure the determination to stick to my plans. I could blame lots of things for my distraction, but in the end, it comes down to a lack of resolve on my part.

Ironically, now the only way I will be able to achieve my first goal is by adopting my second goal: by switching to polyphasic sleep, I'll get another 5 hours of waking time per day, which will be necessary if I want to get this book done.

I will post my sleep experiences, as well as my writing progress, over the coming days. I have to go now-- it's almost time for my nap.